Theories of Relativity
by scorpy808
Summary: John Crichton Needed a vacation.


Theories of Relativity 

Disclaimer: *sigh* not mine ... Farscape and all its wonders belong to Henson, etc.   
Rating: Probably R (swears and vivid descriptions of all sorts of craziness)  
Time Frame: Hmmm I'm thinking pre-neural clone ... so pretty dang early  
Spoilers: nope  
Summary: John Crichton needed a vacation.  
Helpful info: This story is an experiment really ... It might be hard to follow at points, but then again, that _is_ the point. Enjoy the trip.  
Acknowledgements: No beta this time around ... although spell check was thoroughly employed ... unless of course I was purposely misspelling ... oh, and sentence fragments are intentional too ... and so are wonky POV changes ... and yes, I am farhbot.

(Prologue) 

Often times his mind would stray and he wondered if it was all really happening; walking on the dirt of another alien planet, bumping into another alien life form and muttering a half assed apology that fell on deaf ... ears? 

His feet were on auto-pilot, trudging along behind the aliens that had become his companions. Life was no longer about scientific research and weekends full of mundane activities ... football ... beer. His brain hiccupped. Survival ...

_One hundred and eighty degrees of separation._

Something was tugging at him from outside his mind ...

"Crichton? Are you paying attention?"

"Wha ..."

"I _said_, do you want to try some of this or not?"

"I'm sorry Pip, I wasn't listening before. What did you say it was again?"

"It's myrrc! It's totally drad!"

"Myrrc? Drad? How'd you get it? Five finger discount?"

"Don't be a nurfer Crichton."

"Look, we're falling behind the others. Aeryn told me ... "

"Ya know, you don't have to do _everything_ she says ... you've got mivonks don't you? Live a little!"

*sigh*

"What's it supposed to _do_?"

He knew it was a drug before she offered the explanation. Words slipped from her mouth and into his head, jarring loose memory fragments that seemed to be from another life he lived.

_***_

_I got the stuff John, you're gonna do it with us right ... we're gonna find out what Hofmann experienced ... it's science John ... just stick it on your tongue ... are you feeling anything yet ... my hands just melted ... _

_***_

The Nebari was staring him down. It felt like a dare ... or an invitation. He wasn't sure about too many things lately. Live. Die. Fight. Surrender. Eat. Sleep. These seemed like the constants he could wrap his mind around. She kept staring. Unblinking. Dark orbs beckoning him to get lit up like a Christmas tree.

He made a decision. John Crichton needed a vacation.

-----

Latency

He caught up with Aeryn and D'Argo. Aeryn shot him a disgruntled stare. He shot back a lopsided grin, taking care not to open his mouth and expose the small crystalline nugget perched on his tongue. Chiana was bouncing along to his right. He knew her metabolism was probably higher than his. 

Was she already getting there? No need to worry about it …

***

Don't freak man ... science ... remember science ... what's going on ... is this really happening ... oh fuck ... no turning back now ...

***

"Crichton … Crichton!"

"Yeah, D'Argo."

"We're splitting up. Do you want to come with us to the weapons supplier or go shopping with Chiana?"

The gray girl grabs his arm and he starts to feel a pull.

"Ya know, Einstein said gravity is not a force, but the result of a curvature of the space-time continuum." Did I just say that out loud?

Blank stares. Then shrugs. More of the human's earth-talk.

Aeryn and D'Argo's silhouettes disappear into the menagerie of other alien bodies in the market place. 

So many colors out here. And the 'grays' are pretty sexy ...

He waited for the chemical bullet to kill his consciousness. There was that pull again ...

  
Here It Comes

"Heehaaahaeeeaahha! C'mon Crichton! Let's go find something fun to do!"

It felt like his skin was buzzing ...

This is kinda weird ... feels like ...

"C'mon Crichton ... this place is tinked ... no where ... we gotta find a better place."

She pulls him away. He feels a rush at the sudden movement. 

Equal but opposite forces. 

"Oh goodie! We're going on a trip!"

"There! Now you're getting the hang of it ... live a little!"

She takes his hand. It's sweaty. She doesn't care. 

He feels the blood rushing through his veins but the added supply is no good to muscles that are slowly taking on the consistency of jell-o. Now it's his brain that's on auto pilot.

"Ya know what? According to big bang theory during the first seconds of the universe's life, all the forces of nature existed as one superforce. That … that was … symmetry. Symmetry is over now ... gravity ... nuclear forces ... the symmetry is ending."

"Crichton? Don't you have blue eyes?"

"I feel a force ... Use the force Luke!"

"Your eyes ... your eyes are black Crichton ... let's go in here."

Steps? Control panel? 

***

I see ... I see a ... chrysanthemum ... there's a humanoid being sitting at the control panel of the universe ...

***

*tuppa ta tuppa ta tuppa ta tuppa ta ...*

"What's that ... what's that noise?"

"It's music! Makes me want to mooooovvveee ..."

She slides up and down his spine like her body was a missing puzzle piece to his. He sits down on the floor. It's cool. She's leaning in his face, speaking, but he isn't hearing.

PEAKaboo

Myrrcom Triaxellate ... it makes you see things ... makes you feel things ...

The myrrc was now interacting with the deepest biological circuits of his consciousness, scrambling his neurochemistry.

This is your brain on drugs *eggs fry* ...

"Who's ... Synesthesia Crichton? You've been ... sitting there ... repeating that for like ... like a million microts ..."

*tuppa ta tuppa ta tuppa ta tuppa ta ...*

Microts? Mic…rots. Micro…dots. Little bolts of light. Sounds like light. Green. Purple. Not natural. Sound has color?

She gets up and swaggers over to the refreshment bar, obtains two glasses of clear liquid and pays twice what she should have. The other side of the room seems far away now. The music is inside her body. She catches his form in the kaleidoscope of the room and crouches back down by his side. He's leaning up against a wall. His black eyes are closed.

"Here ... here! Drink this ... it's only water."

He clumsily attempts to grasp the cylindrical vessel. It slips through his hands, its contents empty onto his lap.

"Fishy fishy ... one fish ... two fish ... red fish ... blue fish!"

"Ooooo Crichton ... you're all wet!"

She runs a gloved hand down his chest on a collision course for his crotch. Her target is obtained and her spine arches. Her circuits are shorted by the clear liquid she encounters. Electricity and water don't mix.

Inside his head, the universe unfolds to him is a spasmodic vision. 

60 billion years … monoliths and monkeys … it's much older … those forces … of course, that is it … that's the key to the universe … 

  
Plateaus

Reality, for what is was worth, was totally gone. The dark box that previously contained him was dripping away. He thought he could feel his hands again. Something silky smooth was slithering beneath his palms. Then there was an explosion of light and he felt an electric surge course through his body as if it were a semi conductor. Mouth and mind were not in sync and no one in particular could hear his thoughts.  
  
"I feel ... like I'm inna ... bigol ... particle … accellerratooorrr ..."

***

John …. Touch me again … it feels like liquid energy … I'm in a giant swimming pool of primordial ooze … are you coming …

***

She found the human laying sprawled on the floor of the club, no one really paying much attention to him. 

"You smell ... like ... like dren, Crichton ... It's been a while ... D'Argo ... Aeryn ... we ... we gotta find them. Can you ... get up?"

No pull this time. Gravity failed him. 

Einstein was full of shit …

She propped him against the wall and left the establishment in search of their sober companions.

Shortly after, he fell into a lucid state. It was warm and pleasant in contrast with the cool wall his back was facing. Equal. Symmetrical. Perfect. His mind opened up in a blue swirl of light, his consciousness slipped easily into it.   
  
This is Farscape 1, I am free and flying ... wormhole ... I can see it ... open up ... it's my future ... my past ...

----

"You gave him what?!"

"I ... I didn't make him take it! He wanted to!"

"Where the frell is he Chiana? We've been looking for the both of you for arns!"

Her skin was still blue, but he was right, she did have a faster metabolism. She took Aeryn and D'Argo to the club and was relieved to find Crichton hadn't moved. The human sat with his back against the wall, a jellyfish grin sliding off his face, his eyes open.

"Peak-a ... bootiful!"

"What?"

"Ya know ... I see the real you ... you are pure ... fuckin ... symmetry ..."

"Shut up Crichton! You are a frellnik for taking that dren. D'Argo, grab him and let's get the frell out of here."

  
Coming Back

Movement felt like astronaut training as his body was jostled to and fro. The trip back to the pod was accentuated with angry comments directed at his limp form flung unceremoniously over D'Argo's shoulder. He managed to mumble a few key phrases ...

"Mello out man ... relax ... go with the flow of the universe ..."

Back on the transport pod Chiana sat with her head in her hands and started at Crichton who was lying down and moving his hands around in the air above him. She thought she heard him say something about wormholes.

----

Back aboard Moya, D'Argo helped Crichton back to his quarters. Aeryn followed. They stuck him in the refresher, clothes and all and turned the water up high.

Liquid ... I'm ... I'm back on Moya ...

"Aeryn … what ... are you doing here?"

"I should be the one asking questions Crichton. Like why the frell you would want to take a drug like myrrc? That's one of the most powerful synthesized narcotics known."

"I dunno Aeryn ... I guess I just needed to get away for a little while."

"That is no excuse."

"Look. I can hack it. I'm fine. Just a little wobbly … everything's got a trail … but I'm fine, I'll survive. Sometimes you have to get a little off balance to rediscover your center of gravity."

She nodded her head back and forth, another unspoken dissaproval, and left him sitting on the floor of the stall, water beating down on his head and back. 

For the life of him, he couldn't remember the key to the universe.

  
END  



End file.
